"THINGS TO PONDER ON"

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
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If in need, always borrow money from a pessimist. He never expects it back.
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He who laughs last probably does not get the joke.
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Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?
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The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.

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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

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The early bird gets the worm, but have you noticed it's the second mouse that gets the cheese?
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He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.

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How come there is only one Monopolies Commission?
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Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you’ll be a mile away, and have his shoes.